Lonely Work

Regarding your post, "Reengagement" - 


You don't even like us, huh? Ha... wow, that certainly is honest!! :-) I know how you feel though, Tom... pastoring ain't for the weak of heart for certain. Every ministry situation is kind of the same, only radically different! And (in my limited experience) church planting is an incredibly lonely, up-and-down process that pushes you to your limits of doubt, frustration, and confusion. Oh, there's joy to be found and collected along the way, but dang, it ain't a walk in the park by any means. Back in seminary, I knew what I wanted to do, and was ready to go out and do it - I'd attract a bunch of on-fire disciples along the way (all of us ready to take on the world), and we'd transform our community by loving God and loving our neighbor. Easy, right? But nearly four years later, and hmmmm... people seem more independent, aloof, and whacked-out busy than on fire. 


Heck, I'd like to think I'd settle for medium warm Christianity... but too much of the time the embers are nearly ready to die out. Actually, some of those embers actually have died, which is heartbreaking and a serious blow to the ego. It's like watching a train wreck in that I've watched people I dearly love just walk away from me (and my teaching)... from the church... and from God. They don't like what I said, or what I didn't say... or what I did or didn't do. Deep down, I know they're probably rejecting how close God is getting and they feel the heat of His presence - but that doesn't make it any easier when they blame the pastor, does it?


“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” -Mother Teresa


So ya, I'm ready to reengage with some fellow sojourners, that is, if ya'll are so inclined. Frankly, I don't think I bring a lot of profound insight to the table, but nevertheless, I have learned a few things along the way... and would love to (re)discover a group of peers with which to occasionally discuss them. Let's tear down those "walls" of isolation and enjoy some time conversing.

REENGAGEMENT

Howdy all,
My oh My. the past year has kinda been a bumber. I have been reading the book by Janet Hagberg entitled, "The Critical Journey" which discusses the stages of discipleship in a descriptive was as opposed to a prescriptive on and has enlivened me to a great many things about my faith and journey. The book describes an experience of "the wall" where we enter into a time of doubt, questioning previously adhered to presuppositions, etc. This is fine for others on their journey, but not the pastor!!!! We are to have all of those things figured out and are here to lead others through this "wall" experience.
Without a doubt, I have been in a battle with this Wall experience for perhaps as many as 4 years. I have tried to deny it, avoid it, go around it, over it, ANYTHING BUT THROUGH IT!!
It is only recently that I have had some moments of Epiphany, (not intentionally connected with the church calendar)
Interestingly, in "The Critical Journey" part of the description of the "wall" experience is the journey inward and a tendency to isolate. That is definitely descriptive of my journey which explains why I have not been active in blogging. I would not blog with a fox, I would not blog in a box, I would not blog here or there, i would not blog anywhere. I even at one time convinced myself, "why should i blog here, I don't even like you guys". Sorry, but part of pushing through is becoming more honest on the other side.  
So there you have it. I would enjoy reengaging here with you. Let me know your thoughts.